It started with a dream. If you missed part one of this post you can find it here. The synopsis is that I had an epiphany that morning. One that made me realize the world centers around my husband and me.
I have said that I look up and it has been a couple of weeks since my husband and I have had quality time together or a conversation that did not include the business of being married. I forget where I first heard that phrase, “the business of being married,” and it sounds odd because marriage is supposed to be about love, commitment, and family but it perfectly sums up how I feel. We discuss who is picking up or dropping off the kids from their respective locations, what groceries need to be picked up, who is working late or what bills are due when. I try to connect nightly by asking “How was your day?” but after the exhaustion of working, my husband simply does not want to review it… and I don’t blame him.
When we make the time to enjoy being solo together I remember so much about us. I remember that we are silly together. I remember what it’s like to say something completely random that only he and I understand and to laugh together. I remember that we can solve all the world’s problems in one conversation. I remember how easy it is to just be with each other; no pressure, no expectations, no pretense. I remember that sitting in the passenger seat as he drives, fills me with as much excitement as it did when I was 16 years old and riding in his black Ford Escort. I thought he was so cool and I used to sit next to him singing all the love songs that came on the radio hoping he realized I was singing to him. LOL. Most importantly I remember that my husband truly is my best friend and THE love of my life.
At the center of our lives is us. I love this man. The last thing I want is to look up, realize that the years have passed, we are becoming empty nesters and I have no idea who the man I married is anymore. I never want to forget that generations will be made from our love. It is my job to build the life I want with my husband. It is my job to make sure that the third and fourth sentences of this paragraph come to fruition.
So, I promise 3 things to my husband and my marriage:
- Date night twice a month. I will sell my soul to whatever family or framily members I need in order to ensure that at least one of these is outside of the house.
- Love notes once per week for the rest of this year and all of 2018. I already have the perfect cards with matching envelopes ready to be placed in random spots for him to find on various days and times throughout the year.
- Touch.Every. Single. Day. It can be as small as a playing footsie at bedtime, but my love language is physical touch and it helps fill my cup.
I cannot completely remove the need for dealing with the business of being married. Our individual and collective responsibilities, although they may change, will always remain. However, it is my responsibility to ensure that our relationship to each other remains at the center of everything we do. After all, this world would not exist without us!
Yolanda Jenkins is a wife, mother of 2, and an introverted leader. She can sometimes be found sharing the good, the bad and the ugly on IG @thislibralife.
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