In three of the last five years of my life, my body has not belonged to me. It has belonged to two humans that grew inside me for 39 weeks each. It pushed two healthy baby boys out. It cared for helpless newborns while healing itself. Then it spent six to eight months, per kid, being a food source. Although my responsibilities as a mother will never end and I will continue to utilize my body as a vehicle to help me in these duties, the contractual obligation of my body to provide for these people has ended. Yep, I want my body back!
I am not a “snap back” type of woman. I didn’t give birth and have a flat stomach three weeks later. After both pregnancies, it took over six months to get back to my pre-baby weight. A weight that is still too high for my height. Even being at my pre-baby weight things don’t look like they used to.
My tummy is much softer and rounder than it used to be. If my clothes are fitted enough it looks as though I could be three or four months pregnant. Especially since I stopped breastfeeding and the breast Gods took their gift of large boobs back.
My breasts used to be small but perky. Label me arrogant, but I called them exquisite. Now they resemble two balloons that have lost most of their helium but are still trying to hang in there.
My butt. There are no words. I never had much of one to begin with, but now there is literally nothing there.
Can I be honest? I have been afraid to write this post. I know that sharing what I am about to share means I am now accountable for acting accordingly. Accountability is a huge driver for me. I do not want to let anyone down. Although the only person I would be letting down is me, in my mind everyone who reads this will know about any failure.
Well, here goes. This isn’t about the scale. This isn’t about a goal weight. This is about how my body looks, how it feels and how I feel about it. I WANT to be comfortable in my skin. I want to feel at ease in all of my clothes and not just the loose-fitting ones. I want to be sexy for my husband. I want to look at this body in the mirror and feel good about what is reflected back at me. So here is my promise to my body:
Hey Body! It’s me, Mind. You have done more than your fair share when you created two beautiful boys. Now it’s my turn to care for you. So, I promise to give you at least 64 ounces of water every day. I promise to ensure you have at least 6 hours of sleep every night. I promise you three runs per week. I promise you two non-running workouts per week. I promise you that we will drop 5 more pounds. I promise to challenge you in order to help change you. I promise that as we prepare for another birthday and another year together, this one will revolve around being the best version of ourselves. I promise us that together we will get to a happy place.
Look at me now
Yolanda Jenkins is a wife, mother of 2, and an introverted leader. She can sometimes be found sharing the good, the bad and the ugly on IG @thislibralife.