Philogene_Portraits (57)If you look at my family’s history, one thing will become incredibly clear; if history is a predictor of what will come, I should not be where I am. I should not be happily married to a man I consider my best friend. I should not be creating this healthy family unit that will undoubtedly stand the test of time (I am declaring it). None of this should be as it is based on what’s being happening to women in my family for generations.

Going all the way back to my great-grandmother (and possibly further), almost all the women in my family have never married. It’s not a legacy they speak of with pride, but it is the truth. Did they want marriage? Possibly. I can’t say for sure what all their personal desires were. I do know that my mother hoped for marriage. I think that is a dream many women have. So why didn’t it happen for the women in my family? I think the answer to that is far more complicated than I will ever know. Maybe they met the wrong men. Maybe they didn’t realized they deserved better. Maybe they didn’t have the tools needed to be in a heathy relationship. I just can’t say for sure.

But me–well, here I am all married and stuff. And I can honestly say that I married a great guy. He loves me, he encourages me, he makes me laugh, he supports his family, he’s a great dad and he smells pretty darn good everyday. Not too shabby if you ask me.

Don’t get me wrong, though. I don’t take this marriage stuff for granted. The happiness comes with some hard work, and some days are tougher than others. It’s all worth it in my opinion, and I think if you put in the hard work (and you married the right person), you can really build a strong partnership. Even if times get tough, even if you start to lose hope–hold strong, knowing that there is a way to transform your marriage. There is a way to make it stand the test of time.

For almost two years, I have been a proud contributor to Black and Married With Kids. Writing for this brand created by Ronnie & Lamar Tyler has been a blessing, because I am part of a movement created to uplift, support, and encourage the Black family. I think that is pretty dope.

Their newest effort to strengthen our community is a Relationship Academy, designed for couples and singles. The Relationship Academy will launch next week, but in the mean time you can access 3 FREE videos on how to transform your marriage and create the relationship you wan and deserve.

Check out the first video and be sure to sign up so you can received the next two directly in your inbox. And take a second to come back and and tell me what you think.

And remember, your family’s past and your individual past do not have to guide what your future will be. Only you do that. I know that for sure.