I’m back, ya’ll! It’s been about six weeks since I delivered our new addition, and I am finally ready to write a post. I gotta tell you that I had intentions of writing something much sooner but… life. I just couldn’t do it. God bless all my blogger friends who have babies and never skip a beat with this blogging stuff. I respect their hustle and admire their tenacity. Sticking to a blogging schedule while working on 2-4 hours of sleep a day just wasn’t going to work for me. Plus there’s those two other kids I gave birth to in the last seven years.
Yea… I needed a minute to breathe.
So I took a minute. I took several minutes, really. And now I’m (kinda) back. As I write this post, my 4-year-old and 7-year-old are playing/fighting in our play room and my 6-week-old is sleeping because being the youngest of 3 means you can apparently sleep through anything. And I mean anything.
This isn’t the ideal time to write a post, but I realized that if I kept waiting for some perfect moment, I wouldn’t write a post again until one of these kids goes to college. So I decided that the right moment is really any of the crazy moments in my life when I feel compelled to write and I’m able to reach my laptop.
You’re probably wondering by now what life has been like since my baby girl arrived. Well first, let me tell you that I am just in love with her. I have no idea how it happens but with each child my heart expands a little bit more. My capacity to love grows. It’s pretty remarkable.
But aside from the whole being in love thing, the struggle is real. Breastfeeding is so much harder than it was with my first two and my milk supply displays the struggle. Despite my many tears and my attempts to exclusively breastfeed, at four weeks I started supplementing with one 4 ounce bottle of formula a day. I felt guilty as hell at first but then I realized a few important things:
- I am a damn good mom whether I breastfeed or not.
- When my kids are grown they won’t corner me and demand information about who was breastfed for the longest as a way to determine who I loved more
- I no longer give two f*cks about anyone’s opinion when it comes to breastfeeding. My body, my breasts, my kids.
- End. Of. Story.
So yea, I am in a much better place about that.
As for juggling all three kids, it’s hard. It’s not hard every moment of every single day, but it’s pretty hard on most days. And it’s not because my kids are completely nuts. I mean they are sometimes, but they are actually well behaved kids. It’s hard because juggling the needs of three kids plus your own needs when you’ve only slept for a fraction of the time you need to function properly is some bullsh*t. It’s HARD AS HELL.
Thank God for my husband. That man is ride or die for real. If he wasn’t, I would feel like I picked the wrong guy. I can’t imagine what those first couple of weeks would have been like without him cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, and so much more. He has been my rock. But even with my rock standing by my side, I felt like I was about to fall out at times.
One night, I was sitting with my crying baby at 4:00am, I had only slept for 2 hours, baby girl would not stop crying, my rock was actually in Deleware for work, and I was in tears. I just started crying with her because I couldn’t think of anything else to do. Crying felt like my most reasonable option. And after 15 minutes of crying, I took a deep breath and asked God for strength. Then I pushed through the next 5 hours, got my older kids off to school, and took a nap with the baby from 9:00am-10:00am.
I felt sorta human after that nap. Less confused about life (because when I am tired, life feels confusing).
Listen, I can’t tell you that I’ve mastered it all after 6 weeks. Far from it. My house is loud and messy and crazy, and sometimes I can’t find my patience no matter how hard I search for it. But I can tell you that the love in this house feel so real. I feel closer to my husband than I ever have. My older children love their baby sister and are adjusting pretty well. And I can’t wait for the summer months so we can enjoy some serious quality time with each other.
So life with three kids isn’t perfect. It comes with frustrations, doubts, tears, and moments when I question my ability to remain sane. Thankfully, though, it also comes with tons of love, a great deal of support from my tribe, and this overwhelming sense of joy that comes with feeling like my family is complete.
Motherhood isn’t for everyone and I know that having three kids surely isn’t for everyone, but I am so grateful that it seems like it’s just right for me.
Now it’s time to decide on tubal ligation or an IUD because I am seriously done.
Hey, I’m just being honest.