So you’ve met this amazing guy and you are ready to tie the knot. For years you’ve wondered what this moment in your life would look and feel like, and now you get to actually experience it. It’s a wonderful thing… or is it?
You have a few lingering doubts. At first you tell yourself it’s just jitters about being with someone forever (forever ever), and you keep moving forward with your plans. After all, you’ve told everyone about your plans to marry the love of your life and you’ve even started planning the wedding. Surely there isn’t room for doubt now, right? I mean, you love this dude; isn’t that what matters?
How many times have we heard people say, “love conquers all?” Sure, it sounds great and all, but does love really conquer all? I don’t think it does. So many other factors contribute to a healthy relationship that I just can’t see how love—no matter powerful it is—can be enough to conquer all.
Don’t get me wrong; I truly believe in the power and beauty of love. But, I just can’t buy into the “love conquers all” hype because I am a realist. As amazing as love it, I think you need a lot more than love to have a long-lasting, healthy marriage. If you fall in love with a jerk, loving him with all of your heart won’t make him stop being a jerk.
So if your are getting ready to jump the broom but feel like something is missing, keep reading. If you are not feeling these 5 things, you should take a minute to really think about your relationship and whether or not getting married is the best thing to do right now.
The need to feel appreciated is one that is shared by us all. When you enter a relationship and you begin to feel like your partner doesn’t appreciate who you are and what you bring to the table, resentment begins to build. If you haven’t even walked down the aisle and you feel underappreciated by your future husband, you need to have a conversation about it and get to the root of the problem before you say, “I do.”
You should always feel safe in the presence of your spouse. There really isn’t a moment where you should ever feel like you are in danger of being hurt by him—no matter what the situation. If your soon-to-be husband has a temper that makes you feel unsafe at times, you really should seek help and guidance before deciding to spend the rest of your life with him. Even if he’s never hit you, ignoring his bad temper can result in a very dangerous situation.
Do you feel like your man runs the show all the time? Does it feel like all the decision-making fall on him and you never have a say? Agreeing to your man being the head of the household does not mean you’ve agreed to let him make all the decisions without your input. Marriage is a partnership and you really should enter it feeling like you are there for each other and that your opinions truly matter.
Nothing is more frustrated than feeling like you are not being heard. From a very young age, it’s one of the things we all desire most—we want to be heard. If you feel like your future husband doesn’t hear you, or doesn’t seem to care about what you have to say, don’t ignore it. You are better off addressing issues like this long before you agree to spend the rest of your life with someone.
Feeling supported is one of the cornerstones of marriage. When you commit to being with someone for the rest of your days, you should truly feel like this person has your back. That means that through thick and thin, no matter what life throws your way, your partner is there to offer support. Are you with someone who doesn’t seem supportive? Do you feel like he may take flight if something really tough goes down? Don’t ignore that feeling. Feeling like that says a lot about the character of the person you are thinking about marrying and it’s something you should give a great deal of thought to.