Well, it’s almost time. I’m in the FINAL stretch. Baby number 3 is due in four weeks. FOUR WEEKS! I feel like I just found out I was pregnant. How am I due in four weeks? It’s crazy.
But crazy or not, here I am getting ready to bring another life into this world and grow our family by one. I am getting ready to introduce my kids to their new sibling. I am getting ready to manage my marriage and these crazy kids without losing my mind. I am getting ready to somehow juggle my mom’s care and all her doc appointments without having a panic attack. I am getting ready to still finish my book, plan my first live event, and kill it as a business owner while taking care of myself and my family (because if I’m not right and my family isn’t right, nothing else matters).
It’s a lot. I know that. Trust me. I am not one of those crazy people who float through life completely oblivious to what’s on their plates. I know exactly what’s on my plate. I know the struggle that comes with managing it all. I am fully aware that this can all go way south really fast if I am not mindful and careful about how I do things.
But despite my plan, my focus, my faith, and my amazing tribe, I am still scared. Some days I feel terrified.
And the fear isn’t about my business or my mom or the 101 other things that occupy my brain space. My fear stems from doubts I have about giving this new kid just as much as I’ve given her two older siblings. It’s about being able to still pour into my oldest children while giving baby girl the attention she needs. Do I have the emotional capacity to do this and do it well? Will I somehow mess one of these kids up because I came up short and didn’t give him or her what was needed to thrive?
What if I f@ck up?! What if I bit off way more than I can chew by deciding to have a third kid?
But wait. In the midst of experiencing all of this fear and anxiety, I remember something that was shared with me years ago when I was wondering if having three kids was for me. Another mom shared that I should feel confident that I will do well because if I was going to be a bad mom I wouldn’t even care enough about it to be so worried about giving my kids what they need.
Point taken. My capacity to experience all these emotions actually means that I just might turn out to be a kick-ass mom. I’ll take it.
And for me, being a kick-ass mom has nothing to do with getting things right all the time. I can guarantee that won’t happen. I will get it wrong sometimes. Actually, I will probably get it wrong a lot. But I know that I’ll be doing my best. I will give these kids all the love and support I can give while setting an example of what it truly means to love yourself.
I will find ways to get rest.
I will nurture my marriage.
I will focus on my business.
I will ask for help.
I will exercise.
I will connect with friends and family.
I will eat well.
I will laugh often.
And I won’t feel guilty about any of it because doing all of these things will help me be the best mom I can be. Instead of being scared of managing life with three kids, I should actually be scared of failing to take care of myself. Honestly, that is what would really mess me up (and I mean MESS ME UP).
But even with all of these realizations, I still have my moments. The fear still creeps in. I still wonder about my ability to juggle it all. But I don’t push that fear away. Fear is a natural part of the human experience. I allow myself to feel it. I even sit in it for a bit. And then I make a choice.
I choose to conquer the fear.
I choose to never compare myself to another mom.
I choose to turn to the people I love for support and encouragement.
I choose to make my needs a priority.
I choose to show myself some grace.
This thing called motherhood isn’t about getting it right all the time. It should never be about that. It’s about raising human beings who have the capacity to love and be kind. It’s about laughing and crying. It’s about doing your best every day and knowing that your best efforts will change often because life can be hard.
So as I approach these last weeks of pregnancy, I plan to conquer the fear that arises and greet this new little girl with loving eyes and a promise to do my best. It’s the most genuine promise I can make, and I know it’s a promise I plan to keep. No perfection. Just my very best.