Do you believe you deserve to be happy?
Don’t say “yes” without giving it some real thought. We jump to say “yes” because we think saying anything else sounds awful, but that “yes” is often untrue.
So let me ask you again: Do you really believe you deserve to be happy?
I think for many of us the answer isn’t yes. For some of us, the answer is a straight up NO. For others, it’s a maybe.
Let’s get right to it. How do we get that answer to be a YES–all day every day? How do we get to a place where we look in the mirror and we love ourselves so much that accepting anything less than what we deserve is out of the question? How to we arrive at a place where we know that we are worthy of the best life has to offer?
For the last 4 years, I have been pushing and working hard to reach my entrepreneurial goals. It’s been an amazing journey. I’ve created great relationships by writing for other websites. I have met phenomenal people at conferences. I’ve attended Oprah’s Life You Want tour as a member of the press. I have created an awesome community of women I feel passionate about serving. And I have even attended an event at the White House with First Lady Michelle Obama. And these are just a few of my highs.
But man, I have had some serious lows. I have thought about giving up, questioning whether or not I am cut out for this journey. I have accepted opportunities that probably didn’t serve my best interest because I didn’t think I was successful enough to say “no thanks.” I have put my foot in my mouth a few times. I have forgotten to follow through with things that were pretty important. I have let down my mom, my husband, and my kids. And worst of all: I have settled for less than I deserve when it comes to my health and my business.
I don’t think any of us wake up and think,”today seems like a good day for settling. Let’s do this!” I think we all want to be happy. But wanting something and believing you are worthy of it are two very different things.
But settling is some poisonous sh*t. It seems innocent enough because you think you aren’t hurting anyone, but you really are. You are hurting yourself. When you settle, you are basically making a decision to not live up to who God created you to be. Now if you don’t believe in God, you may not buy that, and that’s your choice. But I believe in God with everything I’ve got, and I think we all have a divine purpose. When we go around accepting all the scraps thrown our way, we are rejecting the greatness that lies within.
But what if you don’t see greatness? Or what if you see it, but reaching it feels almost impossible? Or what if you just feel stuck, frustrated, and annoyed with where you are in life because settling–even if it’s in the smallest ways–has become your norm?
You have to change. That’s all there is to it. Is that going to be easy, though? Hell no. I am trying to change a few things in my life right now and the struggle is REAL. Change is hard stuff. But it is so necessary. If you are not willing to change–your mind, your habits, your expectations, your relationships, your health–how can you truly change your life? Change is essential. And it starts with making a choice.
So what do you choose? Do you choose to stay in relationships that drain you? Do you choose to stay in a job you hate because it pays the bills? Do you choose to keep believing this is the hand you’ve been dealt and you have to deal with it? Do you choose to accept being in poor physical and mental health because you’ve been in that space for so long?
Those choices all suck. They are choices that diminish your potential and set you up for a miserable life. Instead, I want you to choose what matters.
I have realized that exercising our power to choose has the ability to bring us more peace than anything else in our lives. If we spend energy choosing things that don’t really matter, or allowing things we don’t want into our lives, we are setting ourselves up for pain and frustration.
Are you interested in a lifetime of pain and frustration? I’m not. That sounds like some BS and I refuse to let that be my story. I will not be known as the one who settled. I don’t want you to be known as that person either.
I want you to stop settling because…
1. You deserve better
I hope you know this, but just in case you don’t, you do deserve better. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Don’t let your past convince you otherwise. And most importantly, get rid of all that negative self-talk. YOU DESERVE BETTER. Please know that (and don’t ever forget it).
2. You will regret it
I hate regret. I have very few regrets and I try to live my life in a way that helps me avoid them. 10, 20, or 30 years from now, you will look back on your life in this serious moment of reflection and you want that moment to feel good. Even if your life doesn’t turn out the exact way you planned, you want to feel like you never settled. That, my friend, is a life well lived.
3. Someone is looking up to you
Whether you have kids or not, I guarantee that someone is looking up to you Someone wants to see you win. You may not even know who it is, and it could be someone you barely know. It doesn’t matter, really. What matters is that you reach your true potential, proving to that person that if you can do it, he or she can do it, too.
4. Life is better when you don’t
I don’t need to say much here. When you refuse to settle because you have the courage to ask for what you truly deserve in life, life just gets better. You end up happier, healthier, stronger, wiser, more courageous, and things just feel right (most of the time). It’s a beautiful thing.
5. It helps you conquer fear
I believe part of why we settle is because we are scared to ask for what we want out of life. We are scared we aren’t worthy. We are scared of rejection. We are scared of failure. We are scared of so many things. Once we recognize our worth and make a choice to never settle, we start to feel more courageous. The more courage we have, the more we are able to conquer fear.
In the fall of 2015, I started working on an idea for an e-course. My reason for creating the course was simple: I wanted to help women create healthier, happier lives. I wanted to play my role in reducing the number of women who settle for lives that are less than what they deserve.
I thought about the areas in life that matter most, and how I’ve struggled in those areas. I thought about the comments and questions I’ve received from members of the CandidBelle community. I thought about all the lessons I’ve learned, my background in education, my degrees in human development and how I could really help women access the tools and resources to live better lives.
I didn’t decide to call the course Choose What Matters until I was done with it. The title came to me because it encompasses what the course is all about. Honestly, I feel like that title encompasses what life is all about. It’ all about choice. Once we recognize that power and we have the tools and motivation we need to make better choices, everything changes. I know that sounds so simple, but it’s the truth.
If you think you’ve settled one too many times and you’ve had enough, Choose What Matters could be what you need to help you get from where you are to where you want to be. With modules about clarity, healthy living, healthy relationships, and goal setting, the course covers the areas of our lives that have the biggest impact on how fulfilled we are and what our lives look like.
I think as women, we have to look out for each other. I always feel compelled to help other women whenever I can because I know I have a deep appreciation for every woman who has ever helped me. From personal relationships I’ve had, to books I’ve read, to interviews I’ve watched, to courses I’ve taken–I have been influenced in such positive ways by so many women.
If I can help you by reminding you that you should never settle, I want to do just that. I don’t want to settle for less than I deserve. I want to be happy and successful. I want to feel good when I wake up in the morning. I want to be healthy and at peace. I want to be surrounded by people I love. I want to always choose the things that matter–and, I want the same for you.
So stop settling. You know you deserve better. And if you don’t know, I am telling you that you do. The more you allow yourself to shine, the more you give others permission to do the same. Now how’s that for a good choice.
So tell me, is today the day you stop settling? Please share. I want to hear your story.