It’s been months since you’ve felt like things in your marriage are off. Maybe something happened and you haven’t worked through it, or maybe you can’t even pinpoint what’s wrong but you just aren’t happy. It’s happens to the best of us. We start married life on a high (or at least we should), but with time that high can fade. Life happens. Things change.
So what do you do when things just don’t feel right? Of course the first step should be a conversation where you discuss how you have been feeling and gather information about how your spouse feels. Will that one conversation make everything better? Probably not. But maybe it can at least spark a series of conversations that can help you determine what’s next.
And for many couples, what should be next is some form of therapy or counseling. Unfortunately, there is one problem: people have a ton of misconceptions about getting help for their marriage and they can often decide that doing nothing is a better option. But let’s be real—we both know that is not a better option. It’s honestly a stupid option. Trying to repair your marriage on your own when there is help available just seems unreasonable and misguided.
Sure, I understand the desire to figure things out on your own. After all, isn’t that what we are taught at an early age—how to figure things out all by ourselves. It’s a badge of honor many of us wear. But is there really much honor when you stand by and watch your marriage suffer instead of actively working on making things better?
If you and your spouse are avoiding marital help because of the misconceptions below, I hope this gives you something to think about. I don’t want your marriage to continue suffering unnecessarily, and I am sure you don’t want that either.
Counseling/therapy is waste of time.
Like most things in life, you get what you put into it. If you go to counseling or therapy weekly with a crappy attitude or a chip on your shoulder, it may not help that much. But if you walk into it with an open mind and heart, it can really help your marriage. If you find the right person to help you and your spouse, I promise it won’t be a waste of time. Just remember that therapists and counselors are not magicians. They can’t offer much meaningful help if you don’t really want it. It’s your relationship so you have to be open and willing to put in the work.
Getting help is way too expensive.
People often think of therapy as the $250/hour commitment that may not even help. Now, I won’t lie and say that getting help is super cheap. However, most people won’t even spend the time it takes to call their insurance company and get the details about their mental health coverage, which can often help a lot with the costs of therapy or counseling. There are now also virtual options, services offered through your church at a much more reasonable cost, and you can even explore working with a relationship coach depending on what the issues in your marriage are. All are great options that won’t cost an arm and a leg and can still get you the help you need. And don’t forget that spending money on something as important as the health of your marriage is money well spent if you are able to make the sacrifice.
Only crazy people need help.
I hate when people say this because, frankly, we all have issues. Maybe our issues are different, and maybe some people have embraced the crazy in their families more than others have, but getting help to repair a relationship is for everyone, not just the people you label as crazy (whatever that means). People need help with communication skills, coping, forgiveness, stress, and a ton of other issues. If that makes them crazy, I have news for you: we are all crazy. Kick those misconceptions to the curb, stop playing games, and get the help your marriage needs.
Sitting on a relationship issue that’s been lingering, and you just haven’t gotten help? Vow to do something today to improve your relationship.